Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
