I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
