If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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