And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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