We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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