If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
