hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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