If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She told me I should be a condom model.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
