You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
