i permit you to call me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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