Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
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I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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