You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
