I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
