I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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