i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
