no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
