Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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