what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
