I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
