I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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