apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
