i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
