You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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