I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
