i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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