i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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