So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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