I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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