hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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