just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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