i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
