i may or may not be watching the land before time
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
