i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
