oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
