I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
