I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
