if you like me you must not know who I am
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
