moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
