I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
