So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I would fuck him just for his dog
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
