I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
