i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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