The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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