I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
