Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
