and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
