I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
