You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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