I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
