i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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