DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
that is very illegal...i love you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
