Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
