She's JV to your varsity
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
