I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
