i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
