how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
