You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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