so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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