she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
