i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
