bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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