trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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