holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I intend to get homeless drunk
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
