how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
