Don't you send me to vm
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
