Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
