I want to have your abortion
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
