Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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