She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
