I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We left the knife in your bed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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