all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I deserve this hangover.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
