someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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