he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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