I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i believe in u and ur pee
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
