Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
