how hairy? two words: wookie tits
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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