I want to stick my p in your. b.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
