Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Nicole vs. Life
I think I died a long time ago.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
