i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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