I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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