Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize